Monday Mayhem — My Secret Late Night Vice

Apparently, I’m very susceptible to Facebook ads. In particular, I’m prone to click on the ones for the cuter than cute tops or swimsuits labeled with unbelievable prices. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER MEMORIZE YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER. It’s just too easy to turn that late night online browsing into a click-bait shopping spree. Last night I succumbed to the pithy T-shirts. A few weeks ago, it was swimsuits. I was shocked the first time I ordered from one of these random sponsored ads to get a tiny airmail package hand-addressed from… China.

How Facebook Made Me an Importer

To this end, Facebook has turned me into a top-rate Chinese importer. Cuter than Target, probably made in the same factories, and a quarter of the price, despite the fact that it ships directly to me from 60,000 lightyears away. There are drawbacks. The biggest one, of course, is that you can’t try anything on when shopping online. I have become much less picky about exact sizing since post-baby body x2 and currently never able to frequent fitting rooms without an escapee. I have found the secret to ordering direct from Chinese companies. For women’s clothing, size UP; for children’s clothing, size DOWN. I bought the cutest Where the Wild Things Are onesie for S2’s 1st birthday party. It was a onesie, for sure… but it could have fit my three year old! I wondered to my husband, “Are they super-sizing baby clothes now?” That may not be far from the truth, ha ha.

I will say, though, that their customer service was the best ever! I emailed to ask about a replacement in a smaller size. They immediately responded with apologies, stated that a smaller size would be in the mail directly, and to keep the other! So nice. I guess he can have a “Wild Things” party for his third birthday, too.

(Side note: we had a strange package arrive one day. It was a tiny, square envelope, hand-addressed, direct from China. Inside was a solitary balloon, imprinted with number 3s all over it. Let’s just say we didn’t let the kids handle it. Any rumors about Anthrax balloons going around?)

I’m sure there are many economical, social, and environmental reasons why I should not be directly importing from China in such a piecemeal fashion. For now, though, I’m just saying that Target has a strong competitor right here in my newsfeed.

Before You Click: A Late Night Shopping Checklist

If you are also browsing at the hour when good decisions go to bed, here is a short list to run through before your thumb makes the call. None of this will stop you from buying the cute top, because nothing can. It may just save you from crying about it later.

• Read the size chart, not the size label. Sizes on overseas sites often run differently from what you are used to. Lay a shirt that fits you flat, measure it across the chest and down the length, then compare those numbers to the chart in the listing.
• Look up the store by name. Search the shop name plus the word reviews in a new tab, away from the ad. Ad photos can be borrowed from other brands, so a pretty picture does not tell you much.
• Find the return policy first. Some shops ask you to mail returns overseas at your own cost, which can easily beat the price of the shirt. If a return is not worth the trouble, treat the order as a gamble you can afford to lose.
• Check the shipping time. Packages coming from far away can take weeks, so do not order the birthday party outfit three days before the party.
• Pay with a credit card or a service with buyer protection. Either one gives you a way to dispute the charge if the package never shows up. A debit card pulls straight from your checking account, and getting that money back can be slower.
• Sleep on it. Leave the top in your cart until morning. If you still love it after coffee, it is true love.

Late Night Shopping Questions

Should I save my card on the site? Not on a shop you just met. Typing the numbers each time adds a tiny speed bump, and at midnight a speed bump is the whole point.

Will the sizing always be off? Not always, which is what keeps it exciting. Reading the measurements gives you a much better shot than guessing from the letter on the tag.

What if something shows up that I never ordered? Keep it away from little hands and do not pay for it. Mystery packages are sometimes a sign that someone is using your address to fake online reviews, so it is a good excuse to change the passwords on your shopping accounts.

Now… where’s that one-click order for my latte?